impending doom

i never went up into that room
until you came along.
	the bed smelled like his body.
		he choked me on that mattress you know.
	you chased the reek of that man’s skin
	from it,
	but now the scent is you.
			which is worse
			i am left to wonder.

i’ve come up those stairs, the pasts
hallway creeping nightmare.
	paranoid on acid.
	once a boy told me i was to fat for him
		right there near the door
		where just today i watched through the window
		waiting for your arrival.

crying nights in that room.
	paralyzing grief, reduced 
		once
	even	by a drunkan queerboy.

looking at the ceiling,
	it is your face on my brain
	as if my eyes have forgotten how to function
	without you in this field 
	of vision.

you make feel
as if i have swallowed
a hand full of broken glass,
	that being near you
	will bring me closer to becoming it’s dust.

more bleak nights coming,
	as you tear me apart
	from the inside out.
		better if it were intentional,
		i miss that satisfaction.
			but you will not care either way,
			disappearing before it’s time,
			leaving me half full of nothing.
			
			


i’ve only known her for two days and my heart is already broken

spilt out entirely
	possibility is the 
	crushing combine
	reaping, wreaking for harvest.
brought back to myself in between her legs.
	it was unbearable,
	indigestible, nerve racked out
	the reality i’ve been defacing.
new chance for redemption,
	lost cause of the past leading to
	ruined hope for a future
		thumping through my ribcage into hers.

emotional condemnation over loaded 
discharged.
	subliminal messages brought out through intuition.
	to know this will be yet another one to slice me
	limb from limb
	with tongue
		in tonal waves.