From the Orifice Of The Playpen

 
Hold on to your girdles and jocks straps we’re back.

Well after last months computer fuck up we scramble back to the hallowed pages of the Hold. Things went wrong with this computer last month that I don’t understand and ten years at MIT will never teach me enough to learn what happened. But hey, all is almost good.

I had planned on giving a eulogy to my penis last month as the old fella was being defrocked last month… well he was and I really can’t bring myself to sit…. and write about all the good times we shared together as it’s just too depressing… (For depressing read not interesting).

The most obvious thing to write about this month would be WAR… But I am not going to do this. I am however going to share an email I wrote on the subject to a group of people who are very Pro War this past week. When I emphasise the Pro in Pro War this is not to claim that I am Anti War. I don’t know what I am at the moment… anyway here’s the E-mail.

----- Original Message -----
From: Paul
To: ************************
Sent: Friday, February 21, 2003 8:46 PM
Subject: RE: Martha: off subject

Hiya All,

I really don't know where to start, maybe by stating a couple of facts. I am English married too an American. I was at school when the Desert Storm strikes broke out and I saw it on TV in school. The teachers cancelled the lessons for the morning and we watched the news. I guess that is where my intrigue with watching the news began... I guess it was the same for people who saw Oswald shot live on TV... Denis Leary said
"... People didn't want to stop watching because they didn't want to miss anything... we have been watching the news for Thirty Years."
I have in all sincerity been losing a lot of sleep over the past few months over what is happening in the world. Trust me when i say this is not normal for me. I believe my generation have been desensitised to War Violence and Hate. Because of the news. Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and the Austrian one I can't spell could never match in their worst blood fests the reality and horror that is shown on the News.
But what else do we have. Ordinary people who work 5/6 days a week from "9to5" where else are we to get our information from. We trust the news media to give us the facts. If we don't get these facts from somewhere we are left with wild suppositions about what’s going on. I have tried my best to follow the news from both sides of the water. I admittedly watch Fox news. I also watch the BBC news. I have to say that I have seen no Evidence that gives conclusive proof as too why we should go to war... I have on the other hand seen no proof as to why we shouldn't. To be honest as i sit her writing this at almost 4am I am still none the wiser. I guess in short what I am asking is if we don't believe the Media who do we believe?
I mean this as no disrespect to yourself ******... you just happened to mention that sparked my interest to reply. I do however strongly disagree with the simile that you make between Hitler and Saddam. I don't believe that the evil that Hitler wrought over the world and history can ever be approached too by any future despot or dictator. I really do hope that I haven't offended anyone that truly is not my intention.

All The Best

Paul

This is honestly how I feel on this whole fuckin subject.

Seeing as this has been a relatively quiet month for us I am gonna leave this short and leave you with something that relates to the UK in general and seeing as Linda’s original remit of this article was to find out what it’s like to be in the UK, this is something that is really big over here at the moment. England Is running out of space and here is part of the reason.

As a little background… This was passed on too me from a good friend… It is not meant to be racist or xenophobic, merely an observation on what happens 100’s of times a day in Government offices day after day week after week. I post this as an Englishman who was told by his own government that he wasn’t entitled to a penny in help when I came back a year ago.

 

Ode Of An Asylum Seeker

I come for visit, get treated regal,
So I stay, who care I illegal?
I cross border, poor and broke,
Take bus, see employment folk,
Nice man treat me good in there,
Say I need to see welfare.
Welfare say, “You come no more,
We send plenty cash right to your door.”
Welfare cheques, they make you wealthy,
NHS, it keep you healthy!
Bay and by, I got plenty money,
Thanks to you, British dummy.
Write to friends in motherland,
Tell them come as fast as you can.
They come in rags on back of trucks,
I buy big house with welfare bucks.
They come here, we live together,
More welfare cheques, It gets better!
Fourteen families they moving in,
But neighbour’s patience wearing thin.
Finally, British guy moves away,
Now I buy his house, and then I say,
“Find more aliens for house to rent,”
And in the yard I put a tent.
Send for family (they just trash),
But they, too, draw the welfare cash!
Everything is mucho good,
And soon we own the neighbourhood.
We have hobby it’s called breeding,
Welfare pay for baby feeding.
Kids need dentist? Wife need pills?
We get free! We got no bills!
British man crazy! He pay all year,
To keep us illegal's in comfort here.
We think UK is very good place!
Much too good for the British race.
If they not like us, they can go
There’s lots of room elsewhere
You know….

OK Folkie Dolks dat’s all as the fat man one said.. which Fat Man I dunno but that’s it. Hopefully next month we’ll have more for you.

For now keep your cuffs on the bedpost and your eye on the door.
Peace Love and Light

Paul and Linda.

I was born Linda Sue DeZarn to a couple with four other living children. Our family was poor as far as money went but we were rich because we had love and each other. I am now 47, mother of two daughter's and proud grandmother of six beautiful grandmonsters; the four oldest being boys and the babies are both girls (took long enuff for the girls to show their pretty faces).

I met Paul Hurwood (aka miskin) online in Excite's Virtual Places (where I also met Cait) in a chat room called Ninian's Poetry Cafe. Had it not been for some of the people in that room I would not be here today. I have led a long hard life most of which can be read in my writings.

 
Linda's Poetry Pages

• Dedicated to the man of my dreams

by Miskin for Linda
• Stronger Than Steel
• In Honour

Hi there folks. My name is Paul, and I have vital statistics that resemble the national debt of several third world countries combined. As you probably know Linda is my wife and you know the story so I won’t bore you all with it again.
In the words of Joshua one of the grand monsters “I AM A FREAK” and pretty much proud of it too.
I will try pretty much anything once and if I like it or it’s bad for me I will probably try it a couple more times just to make sure. I don’t like to take things to seriously, life is way too short.
Art wise I pretty much like anything that pushes the boundaries of either taste or experimental. My main passion is Old Time Radio, it helps to stimulate the brain and gets you thinking again.

I do occasionally write poetry but I am not a perfectionist. I write what comes into my mind and just see what happens. I think that this the honest way of writing. If it doesn’t make sense it's no biggie as far as I am concerned.
My influences come from all over the place… I get moods from Pink Floyd or whatever is playing on my cd player at the time and the Goons… a wonderfully anarchic mix of surrealism and comedy… if you get the chance try them out.

In closing I want to tell you my motto in life. It’s really simple and when things go wrong and you’re not sure what to do….

FUCK IT

The translation is down to you.

Keep your eyes on the door and the cuffs on the bedpost

Paul