While the Cat’s Away
The water temperature was perfect. I’d just lathered up, when the phone rang. I let it ring several times, before grabbing a towel and answering.
I was pleasantly surprised by the sound of a sexy woman’s voice. She was selling vacuum cleaners and wanted to know if I was available for a demonstration. Her sales pitch was terrific, so I agreed.
I finished rinsing myself and dressed in faded denims and a Jimi Hendrix t-shirt She arrived promptly for our appointment. Wearing a turquoise blouse and tan miniskirt, she looked hot. Her stiletto high heels matched her blouse. Her hair was dark with streaks of auburn. She was drop dead gorgeous. I invited her in.
She carried in several cardboard boxes and opened them. Revealing the miracle vacuum cleaner along with all the assorted attachments. She smiled and chatted about the functions her machine could perform. I kept looking at her long slender legs and melon sized breasts. Taking out a bottle of catsup and a jar of mustard, she flung them on the carpet and sofa. Some of the condiments ended up on the ceiling.
I knew my wife would be angry, but I was preoccupied. She went about cleaning up her mess. While I sat back watching and salivating.
She was about fifteen minutes into her demonstration, when she said she was hungry. I told her to go in the kitchen and make herself something to eat.
When she left the room, I took the vacuum cleaner with it’s various attachments into the bedroom. Undressing, I hooked up the hose and stuck it up my butthole. It felt sensational. I was really having a good time, when the woman undressing provocatively and got into bed. I tossed the vacuum cleaner aside and jumped her bones.
She moaned about how great I was. I took a pair of my wife’s panty hose and tied her to our four posters. Then I gave her her money’s worth.
When we were finished, she repacked her boxes and left. I decided it was time to straighten up and take another shower. My wife would be returning from work soon.
Motherfucking Confessions On New Year's Eve 2002
First time I was
arrested was for
stealing soda bottles
from motels in New Mexico,
when I was 13
This damned poem is
self incriminating
After the army when,
I was just about to
turn 21, I fucked
2 twin sisters, that
were 14, the next
night, I fucked
their mother, who
was 28
One time I got
all fucked up on,
booze and peyote,
I passed out at a
red light on a
street in Milwaukee,
a big motherfucking
cop, opened my car
door and ordered
me out of the car,
I claimed I was a
war hero, home on
leave and he let me go
Another time I got
pissed at my amigo,
Armando, he had just
had the Ten Commandments
tattooed on his muscled
upper arm, I put out
a cigarette in the
middle of Commandment
#3 and #4, I don't even
remember what the fuck
they are
An asshole named Harpo,
raped my sister, Cindy,
I put a cigar out
on his neck, he knocked
me out, with a terrific
right hook, later I hit
him in the head with a
hammer, it didn't
kill him, but fucked
him up for life
I killed a bulldog
and my amigo, Raoul
pit barbequed it with
2 antelope he poached
I've shoplifted, I've
stolen cars and tools,
I've lusted after the
sisters of my friends
I am truly a sad,
bad, glad, motherfucker
I regret nothing, and
if I could do it all
over again
I would.
Death is a Drop of Paint in the Sun
“All greatness is tinged with madness”
Frederich Nietzshe
The painter worked
on the canvas
night and day
He could never
complete it
to his satisfaction
Finally he
went insane
A psychiatrist
prescribed medicine
for him, but none
of it worked
Committed to a therapy
group was the worst
possible scenario
He ended up
with four women
crazier than him
One woman started
her car with
the garage
door closed
Another ran
over a boy
on a bicycle
Another swallowed
a bottle of tranquilizers
chasing them with tequila
The last woman
sliced off her
husband’s testicles
and penis and shoved
them down his throat
The women drove
the painter deeper
into his madness
He left
the hospital
and looked
for the tallest
building in
the city
Taking the elevator
to the top
he took one
last look
at the sun
And jumped
to his death
His body landed
in the middle
of the street
A cab driver
hit it before
he could stop.
Some Things Just Aren’t Worth It
The fat supervisor
transferred up north
from Alabama
She had her eye
on me from
the minute
she walked in
I tried to keep
from staring
but with her
red dress
And long dangling
earrings she
was hard to miss
Sauntering over
to the area
where I was working
She laid her
fat arm on
my shoulder
I cringed in
disbelief at
her boldness
She wanted me
and I wanted
no part of her
Offering to drive
me home I declined
She tried to
bribe me
with whiskey
and cigars
I refused
Finally she
offered to
buy me a
new Lincoln
Continental on
the condition
That I make
love to her
I reluctantly
agreed
We went out
to the parking
lot and there
was the car
She got in
the backseat
and removed
all her clothes
I felt nauseous
I couldn’t
consummate
the act
I threw up
all over her
and went back
to work.
Electrified Catfish Blues
When I hear
Clapton playing
Layla, I want
To steal
a motorcycle
and head
For Mexico
with the wind
in my face
But when I
listen to
Hendrix playing
The Star Spangled
Banner, I feel
like an electric
Psychedelic catfish
swimming at the feet
of the Statue of Liberty.